Today started out well due to the encouragement of Tat (comment from ytd's post). Thanks so much!! After much hesitation, I decided that I should add another apple together with my cereals and milk. Felt so much happier after that!! But this is usually where the bad stuff starts to happen.... I was contemplating to buy a snack or maybe take a Breadtalk bun while shopping but I bypassed the Breadtalk. Next, I tried to go to Azabu Sabo to eat their Hokkaido Ice-Cream, I tried and luckily or unluckily, it did not taste as good as it used to be! But in any case, I also would not buy it because I definitely would not dare to eat it all and still continue being chirpy the whole day. ED won. But at least I did eat ice-cream??!!

Dinner, hmmm, do not mention about it. Safe and stupid choice!! Cereals and milk with okay, to compensate, I added a whole dragonfruit and a slice of papaya. After that around 10plus pm I ate another Fuji Apple. But, come to think of it. Why?!?! This is not even normal!!! It's way too unhealthy even for someone who wants to lose weight!!! Let alone for me!! I need to gain but why is it so hard to fight the monster within me?! I am so scared!! Mood gets worse as I feel more guilt towards everyone else to believes in me and also most of all to myself! I tried to study but could not force myself to even start! I feel so irritated with myself! My life seems to be only worrying about food and eating and not eating and calories which I honestly just make up myself all the time. Why can't I just stop obsessing over it!!!!!!!!! I hate myself!! and most of all, I hate the weak person that I am!!!