I hate feeling the way I feel after I manage to eat a little more (aka normal portion size plus a little more)!! I hate having to binge!! I hate myself!! But at least I am eating more and winning more than before!! Yes, I had my pancakes with red bean, ice creams, pocky packets, cheese, marmalades, breads, yogurts, chocolates and candies but I did not grow into a whale!! But after tonight I wonder will I?? After that monstrous binge.... I dread feeling like crap now!! ergh!! But I know the extra weight is very much needed even tbough bingeing is still not the way to do it!! ergh!!