Today I can finally say that I am making progress!! Yes!! Finally one day!!! Today I managed to eat Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner plus 2 servings of fruits and snacks!! Yes! I feel so much better! After much contemplation, I decided to push myself and allow myself to eat Yong Tau Foo Soup (6 pcs, not all veg!!) with Vermicelli Noodles. I told myself to just forget about saving calories for a proper dinner or lunch. Kicked ED in its butt! Lunch was fried rice with side of pumpkin squash, honey BBQ chicken, 2 Sides of veges and tofu. Dinner was fried noodles with stir-fried veg (broccoli, cabbage, cucumber, carrot, tomato,) with fish cake and seafood, side of some braised turnips with dried shrimps and stir-fried pork with mushrooms. I know lunch was quite a binge because other than what I just wrote, I took more stuff which I am lazy to type it all out, but seriously, at this moment of gaining weight, I could not care less! Of course I would have to admit that the guilt after that was bad but, by the time dinner came, I silenced it by saying that it is something that is good for me. I need the additional food to nourish myself and my brain! Dinner honestly speaking, the fried noodles was indeed guilty. Because I had a super late dinner around 10pm so to me it was out of the norm. In fact, I used to be very afraid of eating after 7.30pm. But today at 10pm I managed to eat fried noodles was so good! Of course I enjoyed it! After denying myself for so long, the taste of oil was, honestly speaking, although not very nice but at least I ate it and told ED to shut up! Since Dinner came so late, I ate some snacks in between lunch and late dinner. My grandma cooked glutinous rice with fried shallots, lap cheong, dried shrimps and mushroom. I decided to eat some to hold my hunger off for dinner. In the past, I would have just said I ate and left the kitchen immediately. ED just convinced me that glutinous rice was all bad carbs (refined white sticky, starchy rice) and the what not fried shallotss, lap cheong and dried shrimps were bad food that combined with all the oil was going to make me grow fat. But today even after the glutinous rice meal, I didn't even hear ED's voice! Somehow just disappeared only until near dinner when it came out to haunt me. But since I had my dinner of fried noodles, ED so totally lost!

I don't know but I feel incredibly proud of myself today! So happy! Is this normal for a normal person to feel so incredibly proud of themselves because they ate properly? I guess not. I guess this is what I have to do everyday from now on and make it a must-do instead of just putting in a half-hearted effort in trying to do it. Afterall, I have nothing to lose because I am clearly in the worse shape that I can be. I want to be able to live a normal person's life. To be happy and unhappy for genuine reasons and not because of hunger, restricting, bingeing, guilt over eating a little but more. I want to live life properly! I want to be able to think, and perform well in my schoolwork. I cannot afford to let ED take all these away from me! I guess by typing it kind of reaffirms my determination to fight ED!

Recovery is a long road and I hope that I can trek through it without much difficulties??.... I wonder....